First dates are a chance to explore each others personalities. Simply picking up the girl, taking her to dinner, forcing awkward conversation, and dropping her off would require a small miracle for deep intimacy to develop. No wonder some girls have the rule of not sleeping with a guy for a month plus. After three dinner and a movie dates, you hardly know more than a few scripted stories about each other.
I like my dates to be exciting and dynamic. It’s the first opportunity I have to enjoy intimate conversations and really start to get to know her. I’ve come to describe my ideal date as the Garden State Date. If you’re not familiar with the movie, here’s a description from imdb.
By a twist of fate, Large meets Sam, a girl who is everything he isn’t. A blast of color, hope and quirks, Sam becomes a sidekick who refuses to ride in his sidecar. Her warmth and fearlessness give Large the courage to open his heart to the joy and pain of the infinite abyss that is life.
What happens in the movie, is Large and Sam meet by chance and engage in an elongated series of seemingly unrelated adventures. Simultaneously they learn about each others personalities and open up. The first date is a great opportunity for this.
An example from my first date with my last girlfriend…
We met for happy hour at a small Mexi-fancy joint after work. We had a few surface level conversations, and nothing much was happening. Towards the end, I had a curious inclination, and decided not to stop here. We followed by changing venues to a a fancy martini bar. Chatting again, in a completely different environment, new sides of her personality were presented. She started to gain presence in the conversation as her eyes came up higher to meet mine. After a high drink there, we went to an indoor sand volleyball complex where my roommate was playing in a league. I introduced her to a few friends, found a fun seat up in a little box, and experienced a completely different environment. Continuing on we went to a crowded cowboy bar and watched people two step in circles around us. The date ended in the parking lot of wendy’s, her eating a hamburger sporting my big black aviators, a completely different energy than 6 hours before.
A Garden State Date is pretty easy event to create. Get a list of seemingly unrelated events put together. The less date related, the less preparation required, and the less similar the better. Know of a couple alternatives, coffee shops, bars, performances, art installations, city buildings, ’spots’, etc.
At the core it has to come on the fly and you have to be present in the moment. Start at one place, see if it’s going good, and then go to somewhere else. Jumping venues will help build comfort between you and give unique opportunities to learn more about the other person. Finally, keep the date open ended so that she can leave at any time. Go one place and she can leave after first drinks. She should never have to fake a call to get out. She should be welcome to leave at any time.
If you haven’t seen the movie, you don’t need to, but, I think it’s a good flick.
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